5/1/17 Before we left on Friday, the nurse said that the results should be to my endo possibly as early as Monday, so to try to call him then. So Monday morning I called the office to see if they had results. The nurse I talked to said she would find out and call me back. After a couple hours, I called again and talked to a different nurse. She said she would call the hospital to get the report in, and as soon as Dr. Ouais got there in the afternoon she would show it to him and have him call me whenever he got a chance. A little later, they called me back, and the nurse just said the doctor wants to talk to me. I was so sure he was going to have bad news the way she just handed the phone to him. But instead, he just told me that they don’t have the report yet, to try calling again tomorrow. And if they didn’t have it by tomorrow then I would have to wait a week because he would be out of town. As soon as we hung up, I started crying. I just needed to know and couldn’t imagine waiting another week. Right as I text everyone saying the results weren’t in, Dr. Ouais called back to say that he just got the results, and it was negative for all the cancers that a biopsy can test for, except one was inconclusive because a biopsy can’t test for it, the only way to rule it out is with surgical removal of the nodule. Again, I started crying thinking about surgery. He briefly said his suggestion is to remove the left lobe, have it tested, and if it shows cancer then to go back in and remove the right lobe as well in a second surgery. He said we will discuss it more at my appointment next week. I hung up the phone, and I think I had a minor panic attack. I started hyperventilating, and Justin had to hold me up. Once I calmed down a little, I text everyone and let them know, and also said I am going to push to just have it all removed at once. Yes, that would mean a lifetime of thyroid meds, but I don’t know if I could handle multiple surgeries and recoveries. Besides, we already know there is a small cyst on the right side, so what are the chances that doesn’t become something more later either. I decided I wanted to try to schedule for the last week in May so I can get it done as soon as possible and have time to recover before we go to Florida at the end of June. To say that was a roller coaster of emotions is an understatement. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so strung out as that day. I went from thinking I wouldn’t know results, to thinking it was cancer, to maybe not knowing for another day to week, to knowing it was not most cancers but still possibly one, to knowing I need to have surgery.
5/3/17 It’s been 5 days since the biopsy, and the pain was definitely gone by then. The only time it hurt was if the area was hit, because it was still bruised from the needle being inserted so many times. The only other way it hurt was if I turned my head too quickly. I decided to skip yoga because I wasn’t sure I would be able to turn my head too well for the different poses and didn’t want to hurt myself.
5/5/17 Justin sent me a podcast that he wanted me to listen to. I don’t usually listen to podcasts, but this one was good. It wasn’t talking about surgery directly, but it was all about changing your mindset to think about things in a positive way, and it helped to change my attitude about the surgery a little bit. I was trying very hard not to worry about it, and think about the positives. This is also one week post-biopsy and I still had a bruise, but otherwise didn’t have any problems. I did my first workout since the biopsy, taking the boys on a 2.13 mile walk to the playground. My pace was slower than usual, but it still felt good to exercise.
5/7/17 In 24 hours, we will be heading to the endocrinologists office for the full results of the biopsy and discuss the next steps. Justin’s mom is watching the boys so he can go with me. I want another set of ear there, and I am worried I will get emotional and not be able to get out everything I want to say. Justin and I have discussed the options that we know of, and he knows what I want and what I am hoping we can do. I also just wanted the moral support. I started feeling the nerves kick in again, and didn’t eat much that day. I do have to say it’s a hell of a diet plan since I’ve been too nervous to eat much lately! I also had a bit of a mental breakdown that night laying in bed with Justin. I finally told him that what scared me the most, was if for some reason something went wrong with the surgery and I didn’t make it home, the boys are too young to really remember me. He told me that he was confident that everything would be fine, but also assured me that if it wasn’t, he would make sure the boys never forgot their mom and how much I love them.
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